Dealing with the Goodbye

I've rewritten and deleted and rewritten this post tons of times. It's just too damn hard to say goodbye. But sadly it's an inevitable occurrence when sharing your life with dogs - they have such a short life span.

This holiday season has been really hard for me. I know it's been a few weeks since we've said goodbye to Baron but it still feels like yesterday and it's certainly put a downer on my holiday spirit and the end of 2013. It was time for Baron and I know that, but I've found that I have more regrets that I realized. And the regrets are really hard to deal with.

It's hard having 5 dogs - hard to find enough individual time for everyone and hard to make sure everyone has their needs met. This is something I struggle with all the time because I have limited time to divvy up between everyone. I feel like I let Baron down in this area because he was a dog that made us his family - not the other way around. It's hard to explain without sounding harsh but he was the dog that I never wanted. He picked us - we didn't pick him. Don't get me wrong - we totally loved him, he was a very big part of our family, and I will never regret making him an official family member. But it was all his doing :). He was a very smart dog, he played us LOL.

But I generally put the other dogs first - Bourbon with his lure coursing, Monday with her obedience, Rookie with his medical issues, and the list goes on. I know I still did things with Baron, it's just that I don't feel like I did enough. And maybe this is a natural reaction, but I'm having a really hard time dealing with it and I'm not sure how to get past it. This whole guilt thing is difficult to move forward through. I'm not really big on making New Year's Resolutions per se, but I have decided that in 2014 I am going to take more time with my dogs. Time to enjoy with them whatever they find enjoyable.

My knee-jerk response to losing a companion is to add a new one to fill the hole left. I've been struggling with this impulse for a few weeks, but I am still restraining myself. For now at least, lol. I will be able to more fully enjoy Monday, Bourbon, Rookie, and Vito if I don't add another member to our family. Plus, I have neglected my fostering activities this year and this should also hopefully allow me to become more active again. Baron was a foster dog three times and I think he would approve of continuing to bring in fosters :). After all, that's how he secured his spot lol.

So here's hoping in 2014 I can make sure each of my dog's feel special, loved, and not taken for granted. And here's hoping I can help make a difference in other dog's lives by helping them find forever homes and getting their own happy ending.


Goodbye my Mr. Baron, you are forever in my heart and in my actions